Ok, so for those of us who travel every single week of the year… yes that’s 104 flights in the past 12 months… we know how frustrating it is to travel. Some may think it’s glamorous, but honestly, it’s just a pain.

It’s not so much the getting on and off a plane, letting you ears popping and then yawning it out on the descent.

No, it’s the people who make travel just AWFUL. So, I have assembled my own “top 10″ list of how to behave when you travel. Heed these rules, lest I lean over and cough on your yummy aircraft food the next time you sit next to me.

1. Yes, you will need to take off your shoes. Yes you will need to take off your jacket. Don’t ask, just do it. While you are at it, get rid of your change, keys, watch, big cowboy belt buckle, bars of gold, and gleaming ninja swords. These will set the metal detector off…

2. Remove your laptop from it’s case, as well as any bomb-looking devices like external hard drives and DVD players. Believe me when I say this about external hard drives. Every time I left it in my bag, they hand checked my bag and ran it back through. Maybe because it looked new-fangled (that’s my new phrase from Nebraska)

3. Remember 3-1-1: 3 ounce bottle or less (by volume) ; 1 quart-sized, clear, plastic, zip-top bag; 1 bag per passenger placed in screening bin. One-quart bag per person limits the total liquid volume each traveler can bring. 3 oz. container size is a security measure. Yes, they screen every bag and if you don’t conform, you will hold up the line, and I will curse at you under my breath (listen closely though, they can be quite creative…). I heard a story once of some idiot who had a bottle of vodka to take home. He did not conform, so what did he do? He DOWNED the bottle. Dropped unconscious in line, got taken to the hospital, and almost died of alcohol poisoning.

4. Once you are through the metal detector and the friendly gauntlet of TSA personnel, collect your belongings and find a chair to re-assemble yourself. DO NOT stand at the end of the x-ray machine doing it, as other people’s stuff will be coming out behind you and you will just be holding them up.

5. If you have a roll-aboard (that’s a carry-on sized bag with wheels on it), consider checking it. I can’t tell you how many times I have cursed at people under my breath because the bins are full (of roll-aboards) and only half the plane is full (with the other half ready to board). I have never had a bag lost by the airlines. NEVER. Thus I NEVER EVER bring my roll-aboard as carry-on luggage, even though it is far smaller than most of the monster gargantuan “carry-on sized” luggage people tend to bring with them. Sure, it costs me about 10 minutes on the other side as I wait for my luggage to be offloaded and put on the baggage claim carousel, but I like to think that other passengers are appreciative

6. Pay attention to the seat assignments (unless you are flying Southworst Airlines). how it works is: row numbers increase as you go towards the back of the plane. And the letters start at “A” on your right (if you are facing the back of the plane) by the window and increase as you go to the left (”B”, “C”, etc.). For reference, there is also usually a handy dandy little diagram on the bin above the row, though this is not always black and white as that guy next to me on the flight to Mobile would attest to.

7. If you listen to music or watch movies, GREAT. If you use a laptop, WONDERFUL. USE HEADPHONES. And when you do, make sure I can;t hear your entertainment through the headphones, or I may just be likely to lean over and enjoy with you. Also, don;t sing the song on your iPod to me. Chances are, the person who originally sang it is MUCH better than you and gets paid for their performances. I remember one particular flight with fondness,, the red-eye from Oakland, CA to Detroit, MI. I think they guy next to me may have been learning challenged, and sang the song “Apologize” by One Republic (feat. Timbaland). I like the song. but if you know it, picture someone signing the chorus over and over and over again loud enough for the people on the opposite side of the plane to hear. And apparently he liked the song too and kept “repeat”ing it.

8. If you sit anywhere except may the first three rows on the plane, there is no need to immediately stand up when the pilots pull the plane up to the gangway and cut its engines. You may be on fire to get OFF the plane, but there’s a whole bunch of stuff that needs to happen first. First, the gangway driver needs to pull up close to the plane, second, the flight attendants need to open the door, third, the people in front of you need to gather their things and start moving off. There is an appropriate time to stand up to collect your items from the overhead bin. But not when the plane “dings” when it parks. Don’t rush. We’ll all get off this mysterious flying contraption in time.

9. Don’t leave your trash on the plane. There are several opportunities to discard your empty Starbucks cup. The first and most obvious is before you get on the plane. The second is during the drink cart service (if there is one). The flight attendants come by several times asking for trash, and another time when the plane is descending toward your destination. Take advantage of this and have them discard your garbage. Finally, there is a garbage can/bag/receptacle once you get off the plane. Use it. Thing is, the quicker the flight attendants can turn a plane around, the more likely that the plane will depart on time. Think about if everyone on the flight before you left their crap laying around and your flight was delayed because of it.

10. Finally, last but not least… remember that people in the airport are generally going somewhere. That means DON’T STAND IN THEIR WAY in the middle of the frickin walkway. You need to see on the big board when and where your connection is? There is usually a group of people doing the exact same thing, and airport hikers will know to avoid them. If you stand apart from the group, you will be in the way. Also, if your airport has “people movers” those moving sidewalks that look like flat escalators, remember that the right side is to STAND on, the left side is to WALK on. If you want to rest your tired puppies, by all means, stand… on the right. Not in the center, not leaning against the left handrail. And if you are walking, walk briskly and with purpose on the left… not the right, not the center. If you can’t help taking up the whole moving sidewalk because maybe you had one too many mocha frappacinos on the plane, then perhaps you should consider burning the extra calories by NOT TAKING IT and walking along the side of it instead.